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How to ditch the guilt about stopping breastfeeding

Do you feel guilty about stopping breastfeeding?

Mum with her baby laying down in bed feeling guilty about stopping breastfeeding

Whether you are considering stopping breastfeeding your baby or have already done so, this can trigger guilt in new mothers. 

The cause of the guilt can be one of several things including: 

  • Feeling pressure due to campaigns aimed at driving up breastfeeding rates among mothers. 
  • The idea of no longer nursing your baby. While you may find breastfeeding hard, nursing your baby is something you may also both enjoy. 
  • Worry about the statistics stating breastfeeding is best for your baby. 

As someone who felt extremely guilty over the struggles I had with breastfeeding my first baby and then the ultimate decision to end breastfeeding at around four months, I know how you may be feeling right now. 

So we’re going to talk through all of the dilemmas and worries you may be feeling and by the end of this article I hope you’ll feel empowered to ditch the guilt once and for all. 

What is the average age to stop breastfeeding?

The average age when mothers stop breastfeeding their baby varies around the world. 

In the UK 72% of babies had a first feed of mother’s breast milk or donor breast milk in the first half of 2020 – which is a similar rate to the previous 10 years. 

So most women give breastfeeding a try. 

When you get to six weeks the percentage of babies totally or partially breastfed is around 45%, according to data from the Nuffield Trust. As you can see many women stop breastfeeding between the birth and when baby is six weeks old.

In the US figures from the CDC show 84% of babies started breastfeeding but by six months 58% were still breastfeeding.

I’m sharing these statistics because often we may feel worse about ending breastfeeding because we perceive it’s only us who finds breastfeeding hard. 

Trust me when I say, you are not the only one who finds breastfeeding a challenge. I hope you will find that a comfort when it comes to your decision. 

It’s well worth reaching out to other mums who are breastfeeding.

This could be on a social media group for breastfeeding ladies – there are lots out there – or at a breastfeeding support group.

Research which ones may be in your area, many local community centres host breastfeeding groups. 

Reasons for stopping breastfeeding

There are a few common reasons why you may feel it’s time for you to end breastfeeding. These are outlined on the NHS website.

These could include: 

  • You are unwell and/or in hospital and cannot feed your baby. 
  • Sore or painful breasts causing you discomfort. Sore nipples are the worst. If you have raw, bleeding and painful nipples then every time your baby latches on you may be experiencing a lot of pain. It’s no wonder this may put you off from wanting to nurse your baby. You may also be suffering some discomfort during the letdown – where your breast milk ducts contract to release milk in the first few moments of nursing baby. This can feel a bit like an electric shock and also cause cramping in the early weeks. 
  • Returning to work. If you are heading back to work you may be separated from your baby for much of the week. You can try to express milk in your workplace – which your employer should support you doing by providing a place where you can do so.
  • Lack of supply. You may perceive you have a low milk supply because baby is feeding constantly or crying a lot. If this is a worry then be sure to weight them frequently and keep a record of their dirty and wet nappies. These are the best ways to tell if baby is getting enough milk.  
  • Baby is feeding constantly and you are exhausted. Breastfeeding is a 24/7 deal. In the early weeks baby is likely to feed every two to three hours. If they are cluster feeding then they may feed constantly every evening. This is tiring if all you want to do is get some sleep!

There are certain factors that may be completely out of your control and so it’s really important to step back and analyse your reasons for ending breastfeeding. 

If it is out of your hands, then you need to let go of blame and guilt. 

Is it bad to want to stop breastfeeding?

It is not bad to want to stop breastfeeding. Nursing your baby can be painful, exhausting, confusing and worrying, so feeling like you don’t like breastfeeding is perfectly normal.  

Of course there are a ton of benefits associated with breastfeeding, such as positive impacts on your baby’s health as well as benefits to mum. 

But those early weeks of breastfeeding are extremely difficult to get through.

You are the best person to decide if breastfeeding is hampering your enjoyment of motherhood so much that it’s no longer the right thing for you. 

Happy mum, happy baby! 

Mum and baby

You may also like:

When does breastfeeding get easier?

Solutions to help you continue with breastfeeding 

Before we talk more about your decision to stop breastfeeding, there are a few things you can try to help you get through this challenging period in your breastfeeding journey. 

If you are on the fence about ending breastfeeding due to pain and discomfort or a worry about lack of supply, it’s worth having a chat with a lactation specialist. 

Charities such as La Leche League provide free and expert advice on any problems you may be having with issues such as the latch, supply and the frequency of feeding.

The first six to eight weeks of breastfeeding are the absolute worst and this is why many mothers stop breastfeeding before six weeks. 

If you can get support and advice on those common breastfeeding issues then you may find the solutions to help you get through the hardest part. 

Another huge help can be getting your partner or a loved one to give you more support. 

Nursing your baby is a full-time job in the early weeks. So extra help around the house, quick and easy dinners (ready meals and freezer meals are your friends) and lots of rest can help you get through this. 

You may also want to consider co-sleeping so you can nurse baby while you lay down in bed. This is really a judgement call for you. You can get lots of advice on safe sleeping from the Lullaby Trust

A good alternative is a side sleeper crib which attaches to your bed so baby is within reach but you don’t have to get up to lift them to you for feeding. 

As a new mum I was trying to force my baby to conform to my old routine, when what I needed to do was accept my old routine could not work for me and my baby.

I needed to adjust, accept more help, do less around the house and plant myself on the sofa for most of the day. 

I know from experience with my second baby that once you get beyond the first two months of breastfeeding your baby it gets a million times easier.

The pain goes away, you are in more of a steady routine and you will feel more confident about interpreting what your baby needs and when. 

Feeling guilty about stopping breastfeeding

So you’ve decided to stop breastfeeding at two weeks, three months, six months, whatever stage you’re at and you’re feeling guilty about it. 

Join the club mama. I felt sick with guilt when I stopped breastfeeding my first baby. 

I spent hours perusing internet forums on the subject of “guilt” and “ending breastfeeding” and I can report thousands of mothers feel exactly the same way when they decide or have to stop breastfeeding for whatever reason. 

But what I can also tell you is that I breastfed my first baby for four months (much of that involved exclusive pumping) and my second for seven months. Both are happy, healthy, the right weight for their age, very smart and enjoying a varied diet. 

What’s more I do not agonise about my decision to end breastfeeding any more and I haven’t done so for years and years. 

There’s so much more to think about now that we are at the stage of nurseries, schools, friendships, birthday parties and arguments over going to bed at a reasonable time. 

In short, there’s way more to being a mother than breastfeeding. 

If you are feeling guilty about stopping breastfeeding, I’m so sorry you are going through this. But please know that you are an amazing mother and your baby will be absolutely fine. 

Why stopping breastfeeding is not a failure 

Ending breastfeeding is not a failure on your part as a mother. It is simply another decision in a long line of decisions parents have to constantly make for their children. 

Even if you have wrestled with this decision and found it difficult, please try to be kind to yourself for reaching this decision – whether it was taken out of your hands or not. 

There are many, many things you do for your baby that are just as and more important. 

The word “failure” was something that echoed around my head when I could not breastfeed my first baby. I was extremely disappointed in myself. 

However time has been a great healer and with the benefit of perspective on this issue I now know that the most important things I did for my baby was to ensure she was loved, warm, fed (with any appropriate baby milk and/or food) and happy. 

It’s normal to grieve the end of breastfeeding but it should not define who you are as a parent going forward because that is about so much more. 

Does baby still get benefits of breast milk after just a few weeks 

Your baby will get benefits from any amount of breast milk they are given. 

The World Health Organisation recommends babies are exclusively breastfed for the first six months and then breastfed until age one while also being fed solid foods. 

But ending breastfeeding before the World Health Organisation’s recommended time frame of one year does not mean your baby has missed out on benefits from your breast milk.

Although there is a long list of health benefits from breast milk, this also does not mean formula is bad for babies.

What are the benefits of breastfeeding by age 

Any amount of breastfeeding gives your baby benefits and those are not cancelled out by swapping for formula. 

The Australian Breastfeeding Association says “even a few days of breast milk has been important for your baby.

The benefits of breastfeeding by age are: 

Few days of breastfeeding 

Your first milk is known as colostrum and contains antibodies to help protect your baby from infection.

Colostrum also helps to prevent jaundice in your baby and promotes good gut health in your little one. 

Four weeks of breastfeeding 

Your breast milk will continue to provide baby with protection from infections. Breast milk is easily digested and so will help to prevent any digestive issues. 

Three months of breastfeeding

Babies breastfed for two months or longer saw their risk of Sudden Infant Death Syndrome (SIDS) cut by 62%, according to a study.

Breastfeeding at this stage will also be helping to protect baby from allergens found in other foods. 

Six months of breastfeeding

Breastfeeding will continue to protect from infections and promote good health of the gut. Breastfed babies have been shown to have a reduced risk of ear infections, chest infections and diarrhoea and vomiting. 

For mama reaching six months of breastfeeding is associated with a reduced risk of breast cancer.

What happens when you stop breastfeeding 

The side effects from ending breastfeeding really depend on how abruptly you stop. 

If you go cold turkey from breastfeeding then you may feel a lot of discomfort as baby is no longer draining the milk from your boobs, but they are still producing the goods!

It takes more than a week to two weeks for your boobs to get the message to make less milk. 

There are lots of tips for ending breastfeeding suddenly on this post but the key things to do are: 

  • Express some milk regularly – just enough to take away any engorgement – either by hand or with a pump. 
  • If you are in pain express a little milk to take the discomfort away. 
  • Keep an eye out for symptoms of mastitis which is an infection that usually develops due to blocked milk ducts

If you are happy to stop breastfeeding gradually then you will find this much easier on yourself and will experience less discomfort. 

Start by dropping one feed a day and replace with with a bottle of formula. 

You may need to hand express some milk at the time you would normally be feeding your baby just to ensure you do not become engorged but not too much milk. 

What if you stop breastfeeding and want to start again?

It’s possible you will get a little ways down the line and realise you actually want to get back to breastfeeding your baby.

The more recently you ended breastfeeding, the easier it will be to get your breast supply back. 

To restart breastfeeding try the following:

  • Pumping and expressing milk. Try to do so when your baby is in the room or while looking at a picture of your baby. This can help stimulate the supply. 
  • Putting baby to the breast often. 
  • In the meantime you will need to keep giving baby whatever milk they have been taking after you stopped breastfeeding to ensure they get calories. 
  • As your milk supply returns you can start to phase out the other milk. 

Final thoughts on guilt over quitting breastfeeding

I hope this post has given you more to think about when it comes to ending your breastfeeding journey.

Remember that every baby and every mum’s experience of motherhood is different. You may find breastfeeding one baby was super easy while another has been a real challenge.

If you have decided to quit breastfeeding after considering your options then please do not feel guilty.

Remind yourself in a matter of months you are likely to be consumed with all the other challenges of motherhood and that breastfeeding will not even be in your thoughts.

Best of luck mama.

How to stop feeling guilty about stopping breastfeeding your baby

Jenny

Wednesday 25th of May 2022

I needed to hear this tonight. My supply was always low and my baby was losing weight. We had to start supplementing with formula which turned into her wanting a bottle more than my boob. I pumped but my supply still was low. So I've come to terms with it. Again, I needed to read this tonight.

Vicky Smith

Friday 19th of August 2022

It's so tough! I really struggled with stopping breastfeeding. I've since realised it becomes this issue that really consumes you at the time, however as time goes on you realise that there's so much more to parenting. You can only ever do your best and that's more than enough.

Vicky Smith is a mother of two daughters and a journalist. She has been writing and vlogging about parenting for over five years.