It’s me, your newborn! You’re doing an amazing job so far, but your facial expressions alternate between happy, nervous, worried and bricking it all day.
To help you relax, I thought I would share 11 things you need to know about me. Let’s clear the air and get a few things straight!
1. Don’t put me down
The world is scary. I’ve just spent nine months growing inside a nice, dark, quiet and cosy home.
Now I’m out and people keep staring at me, holding me, passing me around and then shoving toys in my face.
Please hold me as much as possible, I like being close to you because it feels like home.
2. Yes, I CAN still be hungry
You’ve fed me for three hours straight. I’ve burped and nodded off for ten minutes and now I’m rooting for more. I can hear you and daddy questioning how on earth can I still be hungry.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to double your weight in six months? I can’t even rely on piling through boxes of donuts every day, so milk is all I’ve got.
If I ask for it, just give it to me.
3. I have no idea what I’m doing either
There are a lot of confused and worried faces around here. But seriously guys you don’t need to panic, I have no idea what I’m doing either!
I’m doing everything on instinct and taking it a day at a time. When I’m hungry, I’ll cry, when I’m bored, I’ll cry, when I’m tired, I’ll go quiet and then cry.
Let’s just muddle through it all together.
4. I prefer you to everyone else
Daddy’s nice, granny is lovely and all those other people who keep coming to see me are great too. But you’re the best, so that’s why I keep crying for you.
Please don’t think of me as clingy, I can’t even say the word yet!
5. I don’t like my bed
It’s not that I don’t recognise the effort you have put into creating a nice place for me to sleep. It’s just that I don’t actually want to sleep there.
Sometimes I forget myself, because I’m so tired and I just have to shut my eyes, but then I spring awake when I realise I’ve been dumped into this cot.
I like sleeping on you, next to you, near you. Can’t we just agree to put the whole bed issue on hold for now, and let me lie on your chest where I want to snooze?
6. I don’t understand the word “night”
Everyone keeps speaking of this “night time” and throwing around words like “sleepy”, “tired” and “oh Christ not again, it’s 3am”.
When you turn the lights off it doesn’t stop me being hungry or sad or from needing a cuddle.
7. I like milk, wherever it comes from
You don’t need to worry about how you feed me. I need to drink milk, and as long as you get me the white stuff multiple times a day I could not give a toss whether it’s come from your boob or a packet.
8. I don’t know why I’m crying
It’s hard being this small. It’s also hard when you can’t talk.
Sometimes because I find life so hard, I cry. I don’t really understand the reasons. And sometimes you won’t be able to make me stop. Please refer to numbers 1 and 4.
9. I hate tummy time
A day may come where I love being on my tummy so much that I sleep in that position every night.
But for now, even if you put a mirror in front of me to stare at, I’m going to protest this tummy time business.
10. Yes, I do sense when it’s bad timing
You’ve always suspected it. Those moments when you’ve just sat down with a cup of tea, or you’re trying to catch up with your bestie, and I choose just that minute to cry, puke, do a massive poo.
You thought it could be coincidence. It isn’t. I just think it’s funny.
11. I need you a lot, but remember I love you too
I know you have to do everything for me and that must be a bit knackering. I’m taking a lot right now, but know that I do love you, even more than sucking on my fist or staring at my reflection.