Feel like your child’s grandparents buy too many gifts?
Excessive gift buying by grandparents keen to spoil their grandkids is a first world problem for sure, but it can become frustrating for parents.
Reasons the overindulgent grandparenting may have become too much for you include:
- Overwhelming for your child. You’re concerned your child does not appreciate the things they get because they are so bombarded with new stuff.
- Your home cannot cope. Your toy boxes are overflowing, even the loft is packed to the rafters with boxes of old toys. For this reason the idea of receiving another 10 to 20 gifts at Christmas per child may be filling you with dread that even a ruthless declutter won’t create enough space.
- You feel it detracts from other gifts. A child given a stack of 20 gifts is eventually going to go into a bit of a tearing paper frenzy where they aren’t really focused on what they have received. And realistically kids cannot play with a huge pile of toys all at once and if they’ve had too many it may mean they don’t make the most out of any of them.
- Quantity not quality. You may feel like your kids are receiving lots of low quality plastic toys that don’t stand the test of time. You would rather they received one or two things that are sustainable and will last them for a while.
- You’re worried it has become a you vs grandparents gift-buying competition. Many parents want to be the ones who get their kids their “main present” for their birthday or at Christmas. Grandparents who overbuy may detract from that role that parents want to enjoy.
If you’ve landed on this article then chances are it’s because you think that this is an issue, whatever the reason.
Some people would argue this is a pretty nice problem to have, and it’s hard to disagree with that!
But there are some legitimate concerns here. It’s totally fine to feel both grateful and like you wish the avalanche of presents could just slow down a little!
Hopefully this article will help you to address this issue with grandparents without any awful family rows. Or there are some ideas for how you can cope with excessive gift giving without hurting any feelings.
Why do grandparents spoil their grandkids?
There are a number of reasons why grandparents love to spoil their grandkids.
They love them
The number one reason any grandparents would give is they adore their grandkids.
Toys make them happy, and so they want to give them absolutely everything they can fit into their car and them some more stuff on top.
Shopping has drastically changed
Depending on the age of the grandparents we’re talking about here, the stuff available in the shops for kids is so different today.
Plus there’s internet shopping too.
And because you can buy loads of little things that look all bright and colourful for a relatively low price, grandparents may get a little carried away with the sheer volume of choice out there. More begins to feel like better.
They’re in the parent mindset
Grandparents see grandkids as being just like their own kids. The love is certainly just as strong. As such they may see themselves as the main present-buyers.
It’s not that they’re trying to be competitive with the parents, it’s just they want to make sure they fulfil this important role they see themselves as having.
Stuff = love
They want to show their love for their grandkids, and at this young age they can see that giving them things gets the child’s attention.
Giving feels good
It feels great to treat someone you love! It’s a high, so it’s understandable that grandparents want to give a lot.
They don’t see them enough
Maybe the grandparents wish they could see their grandkids more. Or they are stockpiling things they buy throughout the year.
You may be having these issues with just one set of grandparents, or maybe both sets are indulging in excessive gift buying.
A study found that it tends to be maternal grandparents who spoil their grandkids the most!
What to do when grandparents buy too many toys
Here are a few practical things you can do to deal with grandparents buying your kids too much stuff.
Have a gentle conversation
If your home is bursting at the seams or you’re really concerned the excessive gift giving is teaching your kids to be spoiled then try having a chat.
It may be the grandparents have no idea they have been going over the top. After all, there’s no manual or law that sets down exactly how many gifts you should buy for someone you love!
Before having the conversation have an idea of what a sensible limit would be. Saying “it’s too much” may not resolve the issue in the way you like, as you haven’t set any specific boundaries.
Try approaching the chat like this:
- Start by gently introducing the issue. Pick your moment wisely, not in the middle of Christmas Day! Mention that your child was thrilled to receive a lot of things but you’re concerned they aren’t enjoying all of them as well as they could. You’re wondering if they may consider buying fewer things at birthdays and Christmas in future so that your child truly appreciates the things they get.
- Suggest a gift limit. Say you’re happy for the grandparents to buy one big gift and four smaller items. Why not introduce them to the four gift rule for Christmas (it also works for birthdays).
- Suggest you provide a list. One way of managing this going forward is that you provide a list. It may be you need to provide an exact list of what you want them to buy, not just ideas! I’ve provided ideas before and the children’s grandparents bought everything on the list even though it was huge.
- Reiterate your gratitude. Remember to say how grateful you are and how much your child loves their grandparents.
Suggest they contribute to their grandchild’s savings
This is a fantastic way to get shopaholic grandparents to stick to a budget for actual gifts.
Agree how much they may be able to spend on gifts, or a number of gifts, and then suggest that when they have the urge to shop they put some money into the grandchild’s savings.
They could even set up a pension for their grandkids. It’s never too early to start.
Something like this may be dismissed as “boring” by super keen grandparents, but in 20 years time those grandkids will be far more grateful to have a decent deposit for a home than a pile of toys they’ve long forgotten about.
As already stated, this option doesn’t involve not buying any presents, just agreeing on a set limit and then diverting the remaining budget to the child’s savings.
Divert the gifts
If the grandparents have delivered the gifts to you, rather than stayed to watch your child open them, then you could divert some of the presents.
That would involve setting a few aside and either allowing your child to open them gradually or open them yourself and decide what you want your child to have and what could be donated or sold.
This method, provided it doesn’t get back to the grandparents, works well because it means parents retain ultimate control but grandparents don’t get hurt.
The only tricky issue here is grandparents ask after the item or items you’ve decided not to keep.
With the sheer volume of stuff kids have these days it’s unlikely to be an issue, especially if you mainly visit the grandparents’ home rather than the other way around.
Send some gifts to the grandparents’ home
If space is an issue then suggest to the grandparents that you send a box of toys to their house so that when you visit your child has lots of play with.
This frees up your house from some of the clutter and means the grandparents get to see their grandkids playing with the toys.
And kids will be so much more enthusiastic about playing with toys they don’t see every single day.
Rotate the toys
Rotating toys involves placing them into groups and only having a few available to play with at a time.
Once everything has been opened, you can then set aside a variety of toys that fit in their room or playroom. Then with everything else you store it away in a garage or loft.
Every two to four weeks you swap the toys around.
This takes the pressure off the toy storage in your child’s room or playroom.
Regift
Kids, especially those aged 9 and under, tend to have a very short-term memory. That’s especially the case if they have just been inundated with new stuff.
So they won’t notice if some of their toys “vanish”.
Regifting means that you set the toys aside to give to other kids when your child is invited to birthdays.
You may want to regift stuff that:
- Is a duplicate.
- Is not age appropriate.
- Is similar to something else they have.
- You don’t think they will like.
Sell unwanted toys
Where you have duplicate or similar toys to what your child already has then selling the toys frees up space and makes you some extra cash.
You can sell unwanted toys on Facebook Marketplace, eBay or other online auction sites.
How to tell grandparents to stop spoiling your kids
If you’ve reviewed the options available to you and decided that a conversation is in order to try to curb the spoiling of your kids by their loving grandparents then remember to keep it calm.
You may feel nervous about this conversation, or maybe you’ve become so annoyed by it you’re worried about your ability to stay calm.
Here’s a guide to how to approach the issue.
- Approach the chat when you’re calm. Don’t go into this conversation in the middle of a party or special holiday. Approach it when you’re calm and can bring up the subject gently.
- Be clear you are grateful. State that your child and you are extremely grateful for their gifts.
- Express the issue. Explain what the problem is and why you think fewer gifts would be much better for your child. Focus closely on your child rather than the issues it creates for you. For example, “Toby loves all these toys but he just doesn’t have space to play with them”.
- Offer alternatives. Suggest what the alternatives could be, such as you providing some ideas for gifts that cost a little more on their own, rather than tons of little gifts that clutter up the house.
- Accept you may need to compromise a little. How well this chat goes really depends on a number of factors. It will go much better if you’re prepared to accept a few concessions, and maybe even be laughed off by the grandparent. They may be fully aware of what they’re doing, but they just don’t really care. Even though you’re the parent now, you’ll always be seen by them as a child in so many ways. If you’ve spoken your peace, and maybe convinced them to dial down the gift buying a little, then that could be victory enough.
How many gifts should grandparents give their grandchildren?
A sensible limit is no more than four to five presents per child. This would include one “larger” gift, ie a new LEGO set, and four small gifts such as socks, new PJs and a small puzzle.
Some grandparents like to do gifts and then a stocking filled with gifts on top of that!
How you approach this is down to you, you may want to suggest the stocking is part of the gift limit.
But how many gifts grandparents should be giving really depends on what your personal preference would be as a parent.
Hopefully as a family you can form a compromise that works for everyone. At the end of the day all members of the family simply want the best for the kids involved!
With that common ground there should be plenty of scope to reach a happy medium.
It may be a case of trial and error, and parents may be the ones who ultimately need to compromise the most on what they feel comfortable with. It is after all the grandparents’ money and they are adults.
