Motherhood brings with it a lot of changes.
Lack of sleep, baby brain and that protective parental instinct means you’ve gone from carefree you to mama bear overnight.
Now there are moments when you take a step back and think; “woah, I’m an adult with actual responsibilities. God I feel old.”
We love being parents, but it’s like you’ve gained a whole new set of characteristics overnight. We’re still us, but with some dramatically altered opinions and skills.
Here are the signs that you are a mum:
1. You don’t feel sorry for people dining on their own
The pre-motherhood you would have felt sorry for anyone sat alone in a restaurant.
Now you look at them with envy as they sip on a glass of wine and slowly tuck into their meal while reading a newspaper.
They won’t be fending off demands for pudding every two minutes or having to give up their last chip.
That woman on her own is probably a mum at the end of her tether who just had to get the f**k out of the house for an hour. Good for her.
2. You are more danger averse
Whereas seeing someone playing chicken with cars or hurling themselves off of a bridge into a river used to be hilarious, now we tut and roll our eyes.
You have to stop yourself from launching into a lecture when you see random acts of stupidity.
This also includes when you see young people who have clearly had too much to drink and are staggering home alone. You want to give them a stern talking to about knowing their limits and always sticking with their friends.
3. You quiz the stripper on his life choices
You’re at a hen party. The stripper is a 21-year-old student trying to pay for his final year of uni.
While 10 years ago you may have been cracking naughty jokes and getting too handsy, now you ask what he plans to do after his philosophy degree and suggest teaching would be a good option.
4. You’re never without wipes
These are a mums number one essential item. Their list of uses is endless, from wiping bums to getting stains off of the carpet.
You have a pack in every bag, in every room and at least three in the car.
5. You have a bottomless bag of snacks
Nothing diffuses a potential tantrum quicker than a snack. The snack bag is packed with goodies like fruit, breadsticks, raisins and the occasional biscuit, which is pulled out in the most extreme cases.
6. You say things like “beds are for sleeping, not jumping”
Remember when your mum used to say things like “your face will stay that way if the wind changes”? Now it’s you saying those things.
They roll off the tongue way too easily and you really mean them. Now you finally understand what your own parents went through with you.
7. You can do everything one-handed
You’ve developed this skill through years of holding crying babies while making a bottle and balancing toddlers while paying for shopping.
An extra arm would be nice but actually we’ve evolved to be extremely efficient with just the one. We can also pick a whole range of stuff up with our feet.
8. You have an internal alarm clock
No matter where you are sleeping you wake at 6.45am because that’s the very latest time your kids wake up.
9. You worry
Worry and parenting go hand in hand. Every little detail becomes a overwhelming prospect as you consider what could go wrong.
Then media headlines make it worse as you read of terrible things that have happened to totally unsuspecting families.
Parenting paranoia strikes with a long list of stuff, such as grapes, potential playground accidents and child proofing.
10. You always have food on the brain
Whether you’re thinking about eating it or what to cook for dinner, food is something mums think about at least once every five minutes.