Parenting is hard. Not quantum physics hard. But sitting in ratty pyjamas, leaking milk, rocking a wailing infant frantically, trying to placate a screaming toddler while cooking dinner and worrying if you’re reading to the kids enough hard.
Parents need all the help they can get which is why for every problem there’s a product, or an app, for that.
We have baby monitors that keep an eye on our little one’s breathing, a million different types of bottle all promising to defeat the sleep-stealing evil that is colic and the list keeps on going.
You would think they had covered everything, what with the piles of cash families spend on new stuff every year, but I’m finding gaps in the market all the time.
If only the baby product manufacturers could learn to bend the rules of physics, then they would be sitting on not just a goldmine, but all the goldmines.
Now I acknowledge most of these ideas aren’t practically, financially or physically possible, but if I don’t get it down in a wish list how will anyone know to invent them?
These are the baby products I wish they would invent:
A Tardis changing bag
I am already impressed by the sheer volume of stuff I can get inside my changing bag.
However I think there’s room for improvement. No matter how much c**p I manage to squash down into my bag, I can guarantee you that there’s at least a dozen other things I wish I could get in there.
When I reach critical mass I resort to simply draping extra stuff over the top of the changing bag. Big mistake when it falls out when I’m dragging toddler along while carrying baby. Now I need to figure out if it’s worth risking not being able to get back up if I bend down.
Let’s take the weather for example. This month when I’ve taken the kids out the temperature swings wildly from summer to autumn.
That means everyone needs extra layers on top of the splash pad stuff that I packed. My youngest is now on solids and bottles too.
Take some inspiration from Doctor Who bag creators and make us a changing bag that will really fit all the essentials, plus has a sneaky side pocket filled with sweets that only mums can see.
The still silence of cold winter mornings is broken by the sound of screaming when cold wipes hit a warm bottom.
A wipes warmer might waste electricity and create a fire hazard, I suppose, but it would stop those early morning wails when our brains just can’t cope. Worth the risk!
A non-splash bathtub
I’m like a broken record at bath time. “That’s too much splashing,” is on loop as water sloshes all over the bathroom floor.
I want a tub that contains water above the bath. Then I can relax in the knowledge I won’t finish bath time looking like a drowned rat.
A double buggy that folds up really small
By small I mean carry over my shoulder small.
It must also be light on the steering and have a gigantic, accessible basket underneath. Asking too much? Have you seen how much these things cost??
A baby monitor with a poking device
Babies love to play tricks on you. Ours thinks it’s hilarious to go from fidgeting all over the bed to lying deadly still while making no noise for hours.
Me and hubby debate if we should go in and check, fearful that we will wake her but equally worried that something is actually wrong. Finally we can take it no longer and we go in.
The squeaking of the door handle causes her to jump awake. Haha, she had us fooled. Now we’ve got two hours of resettling to do.
If there were some kind of poking device attached to the monitor that you could control remotely, you could give baby a tiny stroke with it, just enough to trick her into moving a tiny bit.
A Moses basket that mimics driving in the car
When my kids are tired, being in the car puts them out like a light. Often I’ve not made it beyond first gear and they’re already asleep.
The trouble then is, they won’t transfer to the cot once we’re home.
If only there were a Moses basket that moved like and made the noises of a car. I realise this would have the negative issue of sending dads bonkers over the basket’s specs, but you’ve got to take the rough with the smooth.
A self-driving shopping trolley
Not strictly speaking a baby product, but this would revolutionise our trips to the supermarket.
When you have two kids under three, it’s hard to figure out how to get everyone round the shop with a trolley as well. I’m juggling my bag and the toddler who insists on being carried while trying to comfort the teething baby as she dribbles all over the trolley handle.
It would be so much easier if the trolley just looked after itself and followed me obediently round the supermarket at my own pace.
An extra arm
I wouldn’t want it to be a permanent extra arm, as that would look weird, but just something I could clip on and off when I need it.
I’ve lost count of the number of times I’ve resorted to using my toes to pick up, move or extract objects to where I need them because I had a baby frantically feeding on one arm and a toddler refusing to budge on the other.
Are there any baby products you wish could be invented? I would love to hear your ideas!