Surviving the Witching Hour with your newborn baby

You gain a hell of a lot when you become a mother, but you also lose a few things too. Your marbles being one of them.

For me, one of the biggest losses that I struggled with was my evenings.

No matter how tough work had been, or how knackered I felt, it was always a comfort to know I could slob out in front of the television with a bag of M&Ms and just do nothing.

Then I had my first baby, and suddenly I realised this was a 24/7 kind of deal. It might seem like you should be able to squeeze a little bit of “you” time in somewhere, because they have to sleep at some point after all, but it turns out that one time a newborn especially does not want to sleep is in the evenings.

I had high hopes for at least a couple of hours every evening after a long day of caring for my baby and fielding visitors. A couple of hours to watch Masterchef or just veg out in front of Cops on Camera with my husband.

My baby daughter had other plans.

From around 5pm onwards my first daughter would scream and scream like we were trying to murder her.

She was utterly inconsolable. A few times we just tried to feed her more milk, as we thought maybe she was just really, really hungry. She promptly threw the excess feed up. Then started crying again.

Her crying would last until around 9pm or even 10pm on a bad night. There was no chance of watching television as we attempted to rock her, because her wailing was so loud I thought my ears would bleed.

I have also found with both my children that when they cry I can think of nothing else but soothing them and making the noise stop.

It was after about a week of this behaviour that I decided it was time to call for divine intervention, or as most people call it, Google.

Fussy evenings seemed to be a common problem, so common in fact that they had a name. The “Witching Hour”.

The only context in which I had ever heard the “Witching Hour” referred to was horror films about ghosts.

But apparently it’s also a reference to the uncontrollable crying that a newborn baby inflicts on their parents from around two weeks. It can last every single evening for the first few months and if you’ve been through it, it is hell.

Luckily my first child settled down all on her own after around eight weeks.

I assumed when her sister came along she wouldn’t be any worse, but maybe just around the same. I was wrong. She took the “Witching Hour” to a whole other level.

Her outraged little pink face would screw up into a grimace and she would yell and yell for hours.

She would nod off for mere minutes while feeding, only to startle awake seconds later crying again. At three months she was still utterly distraught every single evening. The 7pm bedtime was absolutely out of the question.

Some would say this must have been colic or trapped wind? There must have been some kind of reason behind it?

To be honest, and this is a controversial statement, I don’t really believe in “colic”. I know it’s not the same as not believing in fairies or goblins, but it’s just such a vague concept.

Some people say it’s caused by trapped wind or something to do with the digestive system not yet being fully formed, but no one really has a proper explanation of what it actually physically means. Explaining away all crying with the simple word “colic” to me just leaves parents more confused, because it’s as if their child has some kind of mystery illness or condition that they should be doing something about.

There are medications, baby bottles and special formulas specifically for dealing with colic. Even the NHS isn’t really sure how to explain the condition: “Colic is the name for excessive, frequent crying in a baby who appears to be otherwise healthy. It’s a common problem that affects up to one in five babies.”

In my opinion many new parents are surprised at quite how much their newborn can cry, and how resistent they can be to being comforted. I believe more than one in five could technically be given the “colic” label.

So why does it have to be called colic? Can we not just call a spade a spade? Newborn babies go through a particularly fussy period of development from about week two to around four months. It’s hard, it’s extremely trying, it’s exhausting, but it’s totally normal.

But when you’re in the thick of it, it’s easy to assume there must be something wrong.

After consulting a GP, trying to cut dairy out of my diet and asking the health visitor, it turned out she was just kind of pissed off in the evenings.

It could have been because she had a long day and was overwhelmed by it all.

It could have been because she didn’t like being outside of the womb.

It could have been because she had growing pains.

Or maybe she was just going through something that every baby goes through. She was doing the only thing she could do to express herself, and all of those emotions, physical changes and the exhaustion of learning everything in her new environment.

If you are trapped in a relentless cycle of fussy evenings, I am so sorry. It sucks.

Here are my tips for getting through it:

You can’t do anything about it

Accepting the fact that in most cases there is nothing you can do to control this is the first step to feeling better about it.

You could spend an absolute fortune on different kinds of baby bottles and other devices, but at the end of the day there is no cure to the fussy evenings.

They just need to run their course.

Accept help

Get your other half to split the evenings with you so you’re not dealing with the crying on your own all of the time.

Get someone else over to take the baby for half an hour or so while you take a break from the noise.

Don’t try to force the issue

I drove myself mad trying to get my baby to conform to an evening bedtime routine when she was fussy. The truth is it was a completely pointless effort.

I should have just accepted that she wasn’t going to play ball, and sat down with her until it passed.

Remember that just because your baby isn’t going to bed at 7pm every night now, it doesn’t mean that they won’t soon. This phase passes very suddenly, without warning.

Consult your health visitor

Don’t be afraid to ask if you’re really worried. As long as your baby is gaining weight, producing dirty nappies and seems well and alert when awake most of the time, then you shouldn’t need to panic.

However if you need reassurance, it’s never going to be a waste of anyone’s time. Always ask if you feel like something more could be wrong.

 

The witching hour - how to cope when baby is fussy in the evening

 

The witching hour - the secrets to surviving fussy evenings

 

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25 Comments

  1. April 4, 2018 / 9:31 am

    We survived the witching hour phase. I’m not sure how but we did it! I’m sure this will help others going through the same. #fortheloveofblog

  2. April 4, 2018 / 9:45 am

    Hi, this time can be tough and hopefully it does settle down health visitors can be a great help if needed #fortheloveofBlog

  3. 100adventureswithj
    April 4, 2018 / 9:56 am

    Asking for help is definitely essential for getting through those first few months oh and not getting hung up on routines.

  4. 100adventureswithj
    April 4, 2018 / 9:56 am

    Oops forgot to add #fortheloveofblog

  5. April 4, 2018 / 11:33 am

    You survive because you have too and things do get better, but it’s totally no fun and knowing it’s not just you can be a real comfort.

  6. April 4, 2018 / 12:41 pm

    OMG I am so glad I haven’t heard of the witching hour!!! We were one of these nightmare parents who had a perfect baby who never really cried… HOWEVER, when he turned 18 months, previously slept through the night, up until he was about 5 he wouldn’t sleep. So he wouldn’t go to bed, and then would wake up pretty much on the hour every hour!! AGGHHHH!

  7. April 4, 2018 / 12:55 pm

    I can rattle the nerves. Help is important. My little one has witching hour still but she is abel to advocate for herself. It is usually when she returns home from school. She needs food and some down time! #fortheloveofblog

  8. April 4, 2018 / 2:15 pm

    We have gotten through but the scars are real! It was a really tough time x #fortheloveBLOG

  9. April 4, 2018 / 2:57 pm

    Yes! Just accepting the fact that it’s going to happen is a huge first step. Once I did that, tired didn’t bother me much…I was just going to be tired and my little one needed some extra love. Being a mother teaches you so quickly how to function on zero sleep for multiple days and introduces you to a whole new realm of patience.
    #fortheloveofblog

  10. April 4, 2018 / 3:59 pm

    Yes, you do just have to let it run it’s course. Comfort your baby as much as you can but at the same time accept that she will cry until she feels better. #fortheloveofblog

  11. April 4, 2018 / 5:48 pm

    We have just got to the point now we’re Heidi and Alfie both go to bed at around 7:30 and it’s so nice to have our evening back and have some relaxing time #fortheloveofBLOG

  12. April 4, 2018 / 5:52 pm

    I never quite believed in the ‘colic” thing either though I will admit that as she got older we had better luck with some types of formula than others. I think you’re right, just like all of us, babies get tired and cranky after a long day but also don’t want to go to sleep and miss anything. #fortheloveofblog

  13. April 4, 2018 / 5:55 pm

    Uh I remember this well. To be honest, we still sometimes have it to an extent (youngest isn11 months). Even now with my older two I still think the time of the day they play up the most is the hour before bedtime! Great tips though! #fortheloveofBLOG

  14. April 4, 2018 / 6:37 pm

    This sounds pretty tough going. We’ve crying but usually it caps at a few hours and that was bad enough. I really feel for anyone who has a full evening of it, sounds like you need a medal! #fortheloveofBLOG

  15. April 4, 2018 / 8:04 pm

    That sounds so tough. We didn’t really have that. We just had waking up fussing in the night. #ForTheLoveofBlog

  16. April 4, 2018 / 9:05 pm

    My daughter screamed for hours every evening for the first 12 weeks of her life and we never figured out why. Like your baby, I think she was just kind of angry in the evening, and then eventually she got over it. My husband and I just supported each other – that’s all you can really do to get through it. #fortheloveofBLOG

  17. April 4, 2018 / 9:47 pm

    Oh the witching hour(s!) I had managed to completely block them from memory until I read this. Mn did that time suck. There’s not much you can do to make it any better though. #fortheloveofBLOG

  18. April 4, 2018 / 10:04 pm

    I remember that with my first – it seemed like a horrendous lifetime, and then talking about it a few years later I realised it must have only been for about 10 days! Funny that..#ForhteloveofBLOG

  19. April 5, 2018 / 8:09 am

    A great post and one with i can relate too, especially with my first son. My husband would work lates and I was often alone at these times and it was so difficult. I have three children now and the second and third didn’t seem to have this discomfort or seem upset during this time so I was ok! (it was just at other times of the day!!) #fortheloveofblog

  20. April 5, 2018 / 1:20 pm

    It is SO hard when you are in that phase but knowing that others are experiencing or have experienced too is probably the best help. There is light at the end of the tunnel! #fortheloveofBLOG

  21. April 5, 2018 / 9:45 pm

    Is there any more demanding sound in the world? Remember walking round like a zombie for what seemed like years. My first two were not so bad but my third was off the scale with colic which is such a different sort of cry and hard to bear. Us mums deserve medals and ear protectors too! #FortheLoveofBlog

  22. April 5, 2018 / 11:35 pm

    I remember this well…both times! There have been many moments when I thought I’d never get my evenings back. It’s only now, at 4.5 and 2.5 that we have a regular 7:30 bedtime for both, and once they are asleep, they mostly stay asleep! Although I tend to wake up sharing my bed with both kids at least twice a week! #fortheloveofBLOG

  23. April 6, 2018 / 10:33 am

    Some great tips here and every new mom needs it as well as second time around moms. My second baby developed colic a month after she was born. It was hell and even as a second time mom I felt helpless and depended on so much help from my husband, mom and mother-in-law. #fortheloveofBLOG

  24. April 7, 2018 / 3:40 pm

    These are great tips and will try to remember these when the twins arrive.. As much as I’m super looking forward to the newborn phase, there is parts – like this, that i’m dreading!!! #fortheloveofBLOG

  25. April 10, 2018 / 11:26 am

    I feel sorry for the little ones that go through this and their parents. Fortunately my girls didn’t go through it but I met some people during my baby massage classes with my first that were hoping the massage would help. #fortheloveofBLOG

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