Are you wondering how you can help a new mum?
Having a baby is an exciting and happy time, but it can also be quite a challenging rollercoaster in terms of emotions and getting used to this new little person in your life.
Babies require a fair amount of getting used to with their 24/7 feeding schedule and crying that can be difficult to fine the root cause for.
Giving birth is also a pretty traumatic event for the body and it leaves you feeling pretty wiped out. Although mums do bounce back pretty quickly, it can be tough to get as much rest as you need with a new baby to care for.
But as a friend or relative there are tons of things you can do to help out a new mum.
Of course every experience of birth and motherhood is different. But if you have kids yourself then you can understand a little of what she might be going through after becoming a mum.
The key thing to remember is though she may say she doesn’t need anything – and most people do put a brave face on it – it’s nice to be able to do something thoughtful that genuinely helps.
Thoughtful things to do for new mums
The most thoughtful things you can do for a new mum are offering her help, providing a listening ear and bringing useful gifts such as meals and stuff she will really need.
Of course gifts that just make her smile are also a huge boost to her mental wellbeing at a time when she may be struggling a bit, so a magazine, flowers or box of chocolates can also be a great way to be supportive of a new mum.
Another thoughtful thing to do for a new mum is offer practical help with things such as shopping, caring for a family pet or cleaning.
Even just stepping in to do the dishes during a visit will be a massive help.
12 ways to help a new mum
Bring her food
At the top of the list of ways to help out a new mum is bringing her food!
The last thing a new mother or father wants to do is spend time cooking, they need to spend any spare time enjoying a much-needed sit down.
If you are not great at cooking, or you don’t have much time, you could get them some meal vouchers for somewhere like Cook. They make and deliver delicious ready meals with loads of different choices available.
If you are popping over at lunchtime to visit then consider offering to bring a plate of sandwiches so that the new mother doesn’t have to worry about preparing food.
A box of biscuits or chocolates will also be a welcome gift for a new mum.
Ask how she is
A listening ear is often the best thing you can offer, and it doesn’t cost a thing!
The focus in the first few weeks after the baby is born is often the baby. People dropping by the house will coo and gush over the baby, which is lovely. But don’t forget to ask the new mama how she is and what’s going on with her.
Ask what she needs
Some people are better at others when it comes to asking for help. You may ask her if there’s anything you can do and she may say “no”.
But it’s always worth asking, especially when she’s having a difficult day.
Asking what she needs could involve helping out around the house, taking a trip to the supermarket to pick up supplies, holding the baby for 10 minutes so she can have a shower or providing a listening ear.
Hold back on the advice
Avoid offering too much advice unless its requested.
In this age of the internet a new parent can find out literally every parenting technique out there within five minutes of a quick Google search.
Sometimes too much advice can feel overwhelming, or like you’re telling her there’s a “right” way to do things.
If she asks for your opinion or about what you did with your own kids, then of course answer. But otherwise unsolicited advice can often be a little overwhelming or even annoying to new parents.
Let them muddle through their own way.
Avoid commentary on her parenting
Remarks about breast being best and comments about holding the baby the wrong way may be made innocently, but they can be upsetting for a new mum who is lacking confidence.
Don’t provide an commentary or criticism on her parenting style. If you’re genuinely concerned then she’s likely to have a midwife who is monitoring her closely whose job it is to provide this sort of advice.
You as a friend or supportive relative are there to help her out in any way you can.
Offer to help with a pet
If there’s a family dog then offering to take them for a walk can be a huge help.
It may help to offer to take smaller pets such as hamsters and rabbits to care for at your own home for a short while. This could give the new parents a break from having at least one thing to care for!
Take pictures
After a new baby is born lots of people want a photo with the little one, but not many people take photos of the new mum with her baby.
Offer to take photos for her with her camera or phone so she has some pictures of herself with the baby.
I found I didn’t get as many photos of me with my babies when they were tiny as I may have liked to have.
Avoid overstaying
Try not to overstay when you stop by to visit them.
Sleeping during the day can help a new mum catch up on much-needed rest when the baby has been up all night.
So when you do drop by try to avoid sticking around too long. Your being there is a huge help, but she also needs a little quiet time to rest and catch up on her to-do list.
Tell her she’s doing great
Praise feels good at any age. Tell her something positive and encouraging!
Bring her a gift
A thoughtful gift can give her a helping hand and make her smile.
If you’re really stuck on what to get for a new mum then you can ask her what she actually needs. There may be a few essentials for the baby that she’s running low on.
The best gifts for new mums include:
- Food (as covered above).
- Clothing – such as a nice slogan tee or breastfeeding shawl.
- Pampering kit with moisturiser, shower gel and bubble bath.
- Lip balm.
- Herbal tea.
- A magazine.
- Subscription to a magazine, TV streaming service like Netflix or audio books service like Audible.
Be a supportive presence
Once the initial fuss over the new baby has died down then motherhood can become quite a lonely experience.
The best thing you can do long-term for a new mama is to let her know you’re always there as a supportive presence.
Check in on her every now and then asking how she’s doing in a friendly message. Offer help every now and then, because she may turn it down at first but possibly will reconsider later down the line.
A big bit of being a good friend is just being available on the other end of the phone when she needs to vent.
Let her know it’s OK to not love every minute
If you are a fellow parent then you will know that every second of parenthood is not filled with joy.
There are difficult moments when you’re tired or second-guess your own abilities as a parent.
If she says she’s not enjoying motherhood that day, don’t try and talk her out of this feeling. Tell her it’s OK and listen to what she’s finding difficult.
Often just venting about the bits of parenting that you’re not enjoying can really help to lift the weight off of your shoulders!
How to support a new mum long-distance
To support a new mum if you are a long distance away from her you can focus on two things: Sending her useful stuff and being a listening ear (via text, Zoom, phone or whatever medium she prefers).
Honestly one of the biggest helps for a new mother is to just know she’s not alone!
Her sleep-deprived brain may mean that she forgets to keep in touch, so check in with her every now and then.
Even if she doesn’t always reply, she will be appreciating that you’re thinking of her!
Ask if there’s anything that she needs you to send her, such as something for the baby. Maybe she’s running low on bibs or muslins.
If she has no ideas for anything she specifically needs, then sending a care package with some of her favourite treats inside is a great way to show you are thinking of her.
