I spend way too much time thinking about, talking about and doing stuff involving bowel movements and urine.

I wasn’t particularly thrilled at the prospect of handling another person’s poo and wee requirements when I was pregnant with my first but I really didn’t think it would be as huge a thing in my life as it has become.

Not a day goes by when me and my husband don’t have some kind of poo-related chat. We may occasionally make a casual comment on wee, but it’s poo that dominates the nappy chat.

Here are some of the things that happen as I find myself obsessing about my children’s messy output:

  • I know both children’s poo faces, and the faces/noises that precede that moment. Come to think of it I actually know when my toddler is pooping even when she’s out of view as she has a very quiet grunting sound when she’s going. Supermum, right?
  • I will remark on the colour and consistency of the poo. If I’ve been away from the house I will ask my husband for chapter and verse on the poo situation.
  • Following this I find myself rating the poo and celebrating if it was a normal, healthy one. The baby’s was yellow with a few carroty bits? Hurrah. The toddler’s was solid but not too hard? Yay!
  • I find myself asking my toddler “have you done a poo?” 10 times before finally grabbing her and having a good look down the back of her leggings. When it comes to my baby I just sniff her butt.
  • I never cease to be surprised at how heavy my toddler’s nappy is in the morning. Then I have to tell my husband about it. Every. Morning.

So with this in mind we are very much looking forward to saying bye to nappies. We have a few years to go with our baby, but our toddler has been showing signs of being ready for weeks.

I’ve bought the kit:

  • Potette travel potty with spare liners
  • Potty with cute butterfly stickers
  • Step so toddler can climb on the loo
  • Knickers
  • Waterproof pad for car seat

Potette travel potty

Our daughter has actually used the potty dozens of times and even used the big loo with help from her Potette so she didn’t fall in. She’s all for it.

Our daughter’s key worker at nursery says she’s used the potty there a few times and been very pleased with herself.

So what’s stopping me? Truth is I can’t be arsed.

I’m not a lazy person, I can lounge in my PJs with the best of them but I’m really not that lazy when it comes to the kids. But the thought of having to ask my toddler every 30 minutes if she needs a wee, dealing with accidents while we’re out, trying to find a spot outdoors for toddler to have a wee and there being s**t all over everything doesn’t really fill me with joy.

Yes the end goal will be amazing. Having her out of nappies will save us a ton of cash and most importantly this is a big life skill, I don’t want to hold her back.

But jeez the thought of the mess makes me tired just thinking about it.

I’ve read stories about parents who never put their kids in nappies, ever. They just hold them over a potty until they learn what it’s for. Can you imagine? My newborn was pooing five times a day at one point. Sometimes the nappy didn’t stop leaks but at least it stopped an outright flood.

But I know I just need to woman up and do this.

So stand back everyone, I’m donning my waterproof overalls, goggles and safety hat to prepare for the literal s**t storm that is about to occur.

The trouble is, once she’s out of nappies, what will me and my husband talk about then?

So you have any tips for me as I embark on potty training? I need all the help I can get!