The Mummy Bubble - funny parenting quotes

Honesty is the best policy. But sometimes little white lies are essential to surviving the day.

The trouble is now my daughter is hurtling towards the age of three at an alarming rate, she’s getting wise to those little white lies.

You know the ones. They’re like empty threats, you say them knowing your words carry no truth but it has an impact on your toddler, who believes everything you say.

And yet now my little girl is growing up to be a smart cookie.

I don’t want her to be easily manipulated.

But at the same time, it does make life a hell of a lot easier if reminding her fairies cry when little girls kick their siblings in the head stops her doing it immediately.

Maybe she’s figured out my BS. Maybe she’s figured out she’s totally secure under the protection and love of her parents so she can challenge everything we say without fear of repercussions.

Whatever the reasons, these are sad times for someone who likes to choose the easy life wherever I can.

Here are the little white lies that are no longer working:

This food is too spicy for you

This used to be applied to all manner of foods.

Sometimes we were telling the truth, it actually is too spicy!

Ice cream, spicy? I’m two, not a total moron

However we also used this when eating roast dinners to avoid giving her any gravy (due to the salt content, how hypocritical are we?!), when eating crisps or any other junk food.

Then her cousin gave her a couple of spicy Doritos and she declared she likes spicy food. Bugger!

This drink has alcohol in it for grown ups only

This was one we pulled out of the bag when drinking cans of fizzy drink. We don’t do it often, normally when we’re out.

The kids always have their bottles of water with them but we are constantly forgetting about our own hydration needs (sound familiar?!).

As my toddler wants to eat and drink everything that we do, she always asks to try some.

And we, being the hypocritical parents that we are, say it’s alcoholic and that means it’s for grown ups only.

Now my daughter is getting wise to it, her response is: “No it isn’t, it’s in a can and you drink wine from a glass.”

Peppa isn’t on TV at the moment

Damn you Netflix, with your amazing selection of programmes that are ready to view at the punch of a remote control.

No longer do we have to wait for children’s hour or sit through adverts.

My daughter has cottoned on to the fact that Peppa is in fact available 24/7 on demand.

When I say Peppa isn’t on, because I don’t want to feel guilty about her watching even more telly, she says, while handing me the remote: “It is, just press this button here.”

Britain’s most annoying pig is available on demand on Netflix – a blessing and a curse

Will she soon request her own iPad so she can download the app? I wouldn’t put anything past her.

It’s not morning yet

This works ok in the winter still but in summer with the lighter mornings she knows it’s time to get up.

She wants milk, breakfast, a book read to her and to go to the park. It’s 5.45am. Shoot me!

Santa only brings presents to good girls

I used to start drafting a pretend letter to Santa every time my daughter did something like refused to have her teeth cleaned or kept wriggling out of my grasp while I was mid-changing her nappy.

This is now simply being ignored. Or she stops for five seconds, says “I am a good girl”, then cracks on with tearing bare-bottomed out of the back door. Sigh.

Thankfully my youngest is eight months and we have a good long while of fibbing to her yet. Let’s hope my eldest doesn’t enlighten her about mummy and daddy’s tricks.

I get the feeling our kids will soon very much have the upper hand.

Got any little white lies you tell your kids? I would love to hear them!


Goodbye to the little white lies I tell my toddler