21 reasons why I cannot have 21 kids

I can’t even find a stock photo featuring a family with 21 kids!

Super family the Radfords have announced they are expecting their 21st baby.

This couple are amazing and I take my hat off to them, they are clearly amazing parents, how else would they cope with 20 and go back for more?!

But there’s absolutely no way you would see me announcing my 21st pregnancy. I’m not even sure there will ever be a third!

These are the 21 reasons why I cannot have 21 kids:

1. How the hell do you afford holidays?

A long distance trip would cost the same as a year of mortgage payments. Plus the older kids couldn’t go away during term time, so you would have all the expense of school holiday prices plus the fact there’s 23 of you going away.

2. The laundry

Imagine a laundry pile that not only never gets any smaller. In fact even when you have just done a load the pile just gets bigger and bigger until finally your laundry basket explodes and your washing machine packs up because it can’t take the pressure any more.

3. How would you remember their names?

Baby brain is real. How on earth do you remember which one is Kate and which one is Katie when you’re in the throes of sleep deprivation?

4. The sleep

I just about manage a reasonable amount of sleep now that my youngest is one. But if you are having a new baby every year, surely that means you never sleep at all? There would always be at least one child up.

Also there is no bed big enough for you, your hubby and the 21 kids who will want to climb into it with you at 3am.

5. The crying

Having just one child who spend a few minutes a day crying is exhausting enough. Imagine having 21 crying either simultaneously or in shifts.

It would be enough to make you want to rupture your own ear drums.

6. The fighting

My two squabble over every toy, so much so that I’m coming to realise that I need two of everything. But if you have 21, does that mean you need 21 dolls, 21 slides, 21 Peppa Pigs toys and 21 sets of Lego?

7. I would have to swap my car for a bus

A minibus probably wouldn’t cut it, especially if you needed space for luggage as well when going on holiday. So that would mean you need an actual coach, and space to park it.

8. Day trips would bankrupt me

A visit to Peppa Pig World goes from being expensive to becoming a choice between taking all the family and affording your grocery bill for the year.

 

9. Christmas dinner would be hell

How many ovens would you need to cook a turkey big enough and enough roast potatoes for everyone? At least three!

 

10. I would never speak to my hubby again

We just about manage a few sentences once the kids have gone to bed. With 21 kids I think we would only manage a grunt before falling asleep amid a haze of nappies, tantrums and non-stop cooking.

 

11. How would I keep track of them all?

I think the only solution to this one would be fitting GPS tracking devices to every child.

 

12. Fussy eaters

I occasionally have to cook two dinners, because the children won’t eat what we are having.

Imagine having 21 kids with 21 different favourite meals who also like to change their minds about what their favourite meal is every week.

13. No one would ever be satisfied

You only have two hands. Therefore attempting to do everything for everyone is totally impossible.

This means you would never read enough books, never give anyone enough turns on the swing and never

14. Birthday parties would no longer be fun

I love planning a good party but if you’re planning multiple birthdays every month, surely it becomes less of a fun thing to do and more of a regular chore?

Plus all of that birthday cake would mean I would be piling on the pounds in no time.

15. You would have to hire out soft play

It’s a tough trip at the best of times, but if you arrive with even just half of your brood, you would have filled the place up.

The only solution would be to hire the venue, or build your own at home.

16. My home would never be clean

My inner Monica would be horrified as she realised that the just-vacuumed carpet had been covered with crumbs, sick and mud.

Toys everywhere, sticky fingers everywhere and dirty plates strewn about the place would have me freaking the fuck out!

17. No money, ever

Just when you thought you had a spare tenner, someone would grow out of their clothes and need a new everything.

18. Being pregnant sucks

I am not one of those women who glows during pregnancy. I feel sick for the first half and then like I’m carrying a bowling ball for the second.

Also I don’t even want to think about what the state of my belly and lady parts after 21 pregnancies.

19. Labour sucks

It might only last a day but giving birth is no walk in the park. Also everyone told me the second delivery would be easier, but it was actually worse. More painful and the baby did not come shooting out of my like it was on a water slide as everyone swore would happen with baby number two.

20. Bedtime would last all night

The debates over whether it actually is bed time, the stories that need reading 10 times, the bath that floods the bathroom and the last-minute demand for a drink. Doing this 21 times would mean every child should be in bed by around 6am.

21. I would go bonkers

I walk a very thin tightrope of sanity every day as it is. If you added 19 more children to my home I lose the plot completely.

Could you have 21 children? What’s your ideal family size?

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