We are the grown-ups, so we think we have ultimate control over our children, right? Wrong, we are totally beholden to their whims, moods and behaviour.
Try as you might go fight it, the fact is we all stop fighting eventually in favour of an easy life.
These are the times parents think they have the power, but actually always end up bowing down to the superior force of their kid putting their foot down:
The hand that stirs the pot containing dinner, is the strongest hand of all, right? Nope.
Just because you produce nutritious and, what you believe to be, tasty meals, it doesn’t mean that your toddler will agree. In addition, if your child decides not to eat it, there’s absolutely nothing you can do about it.
You can’t grab a funnel, attach it to their mouth and then pour the food down them. That’s generally frowned upon.
You can of course withhold dessert, however you will inevitably give in when they’ve been whinging for two hours.
2. The television
As parents we are frequently told that too much television will make our kids obese, lazy and stupid. Therefore we try hard to limit it to only when absolutely necessary. The problem is it’s necessary 95 per cent of the time when you’re at home.
We can put the remote control out of reach and toddlers haven’t yet figured out how to use it properly on their own yet anyway. However when you have stuff you desperately need to get done, only the television can provide the distraction you need.
Toys can only do so much, only television lulls your toddler into a quiet, motionless stupor.
3. Getting dressed
You bought the cutest little outfit and cannot wait to put your toddler in it. The trouble is she hates the new tutu and only wants to wear her jeans and Peppa Pig top.
No amount of bargaining and bribery can convince them to like it.
You decide what time your kid goes to bed. The trouble is, your child didn’t come with an off-switch.
You can put a child to bed, but you can’t make them fall asleep.
5. Eating out
You can pack every distraction you own, but no amount of toddler crack can stop a tantrum once it really gets going.
6. Going shopping
You are the grown-up, so if you want to go out, then you will. If you want to try on clothes, then you will. And if you want to linger in your fave shops, gazing at that pair of shoes which cost more than a year’s supply of nappies, then you will.
Sadly, shopping is boring. Unless it involves a visit to Toys R Us. As a result your child will whinge, demand to be let out of the buggy, throw themselves on the floor and then plank as you try to strap them back in.
You’ll leave early, and empty-handed.
7. How you look
You have a rigorous skincare regime, are always moisturising, have a super nourishing conditioner for your hair and try to get as much beauty sleep as possible.
However sleep regressions, teething and outright stubbornness from your kid means that the number of hours sleep you get isn’t up to you.
There’s no concealer in the world that can hide the effects of sleep deprivation.
8. Your personal space
When it comes to the grown-up world, it’s easy to tell someone to back off when they’re invading your personal space.
When it’s your kid, it’s not so simple. They want to be on your lap, in your bed and in your arms at all times. Can you say no to those big, sad eyes?
9. Your routine
You’ve got the nursery hours sorted, you’ve agreed on the hours you will work and you know what time you need to leave the house by in order to stay on time.
However, you can guarantee your child will refuse to put on their shoes, then lose one, then vomit on themselves and finally refuse to let you put them in the car seat.
Then when you manage to get your kid to nursery and yourself to work, you will receive a call from the nursery informing you your kid has a fever and needs to be collected.
10. Fun plans
You could plan to take your child to an actual magical place where Disney, Peppa and every other annoying cartoon character collide. But they can still throw a paddy and demand to leave within five minutes.
Why? It’s so fun, they can’t handle it.
So there you have it, you are not in control at all! It’s best to surrender control rather than fight it.
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