Why it’s OK not to feel #blessed every day

There are so many moments in parenthood when we are reminded to be grateful. Be grateful you have a happy baby, be grateful you have a healthy baby, be grateful to have a baby at all.

And I am so very grateful. Truly. If I were to choose a hashtag to sum up my life as a whole, it would be #blessed.

BUT (you saw that one coming a mile away didn’t you?). The relentlessness of my children is starting to, how do I put this, drive me out of my f**king mind.

I wish I could float upon a fluffy cloud of bliss as I marvel at the little wonders that Mother Nature has been kind enough to gift me.

Instead I’m in a fog of sleep deprivation as I trip over noisy plastic toys and lunge from one child to the next as they each issue demands, whack themselves on something or pee on the floor.

Yes, I know that the overall picture is amazing. Cute kids, safe house, loving husband. Why sweat the little stuff when the bigger picture is so very perfect?

Having a lovely family really does make my life complete and I love them so bloody much it hurts.

However when you are living this supposedly perfect life up close and personal, day after day, long night after bloody long night, it’s only then the picture starts to distort a little.

Being in the thick of it means taking the rough with the smooth. And with little kids, there’s a lot of rough.

Toddlers say the funniest things. However they also come with toddler tantrums and constant demands, and the noise can leave your nerves seriously frazzled.

Newborn babies are very cute and squishy. But they also wake at unpredictable times, scream when put down and want to suckle at your sore boobs 24/7.

You feel terrible complaining, because many people are facing so much more complex and heartbreaking challenges than potty training or cluster feeding.

Some would give everything to have even one baby.

Some are struggling to do their best for a child with disabilities.

Some are bringing up baby all by themselves.

And some have faced the absolutely unimaginable and shattering horror of losing a child altogether. This I cannot imagine, it must be utterly devastating to say the least.

I try to remind myself of all of these things when I’m too close to the problem, when I can’t see the wood for the trees.

When you’re bringing up small children, getting through every day can feel a little bit like you’re desperately running on a treadmill being bombarded with various obstacles such as Lego bricks just to add to the challenge.

When you’re doing something day in, day out, it loses that romantic glow. Yes we all have those moments when our child stares into our eyes and smiles and it’s so gorgeous you could burst from the happiness. However you’re normally brought crashing back down to earth when said child coughs just centimetres from your face. Because nothing says I love you like being spat at.

And yet you feel like you should be grateful for all of it. The rough and the smooth. Because you’re so #blessed.

We beat ourselves up for complaining about the hard times, the times when we are so tired we want to cry, the times we can’t take one more minute of crying or the times that lovely meal we spent an hour cooking goes splat on the floor.

This is just another chance for our old friend mummy guilt to give us a good slap around the face. She never misses an opportunity, don’t you know.

So I suppose what I’m saying, fellow Mummy, is don’t feel guilty about complaining. Being a mum is tough, so very tiring, sometimes boring and often frustrating.

It doesn’t mean you’re not grateful, it just means you are human.

Please don’t forget that while you are extremely blessed to have your lovely children, they are also extremely blessed to have you as a mum. The person who’s there, doing all of this hard s**t day after day, because you love them so much you don’t care if they spit in your face.

Your life is not perfect, no one’s is. It’s great to be grateful, but it’s also fine to be p****d off sometimes too.

V
X

Read more: Life with a baby does get easier

The empty cup 

 

 

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16 Comments

  1. January 9, 2018 / 1:06 pm

    I think complaining to other parents is something every parent has the right to do. If nothing else, it helps get it out of your system so you don’t take that frustration out on your kids. A lot of parents end up isolated because of the constant demands of child-raising. Connecting with other parents any way you can — at church, at work, online — gives you a place to vent.

  2. January 9, 2018 / 8:46 pm

    Every day can’t be sugar and spice, you are quite right, funny how we look back and remember the good bits though! #KCACOLS

    • January 14, 2018 / 12:37 pm

      Yes you’re so right there, in 10 years time all the bad stuff will be very fuzzy I’m sure x

  3. January 13, 2018 / 10:22 am

    What a beautiful post, and filled with truths. We are our harshest critics and its time we lighten up and support one another throught the tough, yet grateful moments. And, just sayin’, but I think LEGO should come up with some wonderful momma thank you for all of the pain inflicted by stepping on or hoovering. I’m up for a LEGO sponosred spa day. You? #dreamteam xoxo

  4. January 13, 2018 / 6:37 pm

    I think it’s so important to remember that everyone has bad days. Whilst I have to admit sometimes it can get a bit much if all you hear is people complaining and it seems they’re never being positive, but no one can be positive 24/7 and we have to take the rough with the smooth and realise our lives can’t be perfect all the time. I often struggle with this and feel guilty when I have a down day as I don’t have much to complain about. But some days are tough and there’s no shame in admitting that! #dreamteam

    • January 14, 2018 / 12:38 pm

      Yes I think you’re right, it’s about a balance. Complaining all of the time is no good for anyone xx

  5. January 14, 2018 / 8:51 am

    I love this post so much Vicky. You are right. We are human and it’s ok to feel overwhelmed or like hiding under the duvet for a bit because parenting can be utterly manic and exhausting. It’s never ending. And yet, we are completely blessed at the same time 🙂 Thanks so much for sharing with the the #DreamTeam xxx

    • January 14, 2018 / 12:38 pm

      Thank you Annette for your lovely comment. So glad I’m not the only one who find it draining at times xx

  6. aliduke79hotmailcom
    January 17, 2018 / 8:55 pm

    I think it’s good to complain a bit, it gets it all off your chest. If we didn’t complain I think we would end up losing our S*** completely lol. Thank you so much for linking up at #KCACOLS. Hope you come back again next time.

  7. January 18, 2018 / 1:01 pm

    it’s always up and down, and no, every day isn’t bliss! i think its good to just be true to ourselves and accept that yes, sometimes are crappy and others great. and not to believe everything you see on faceache #KCACOLS

  8. Mainy - myrealfairy
    January 19, 2018 / 9:04 am

    Some days are amazing and some days are….well….challenging! I’m fine with that on reflection, at the time it’s a bit more difficult to manage;)
    Mainy
    #KCACOLS

  9. January 19, 2018 / 1:55 pm

    Being a parent is hard and it doesn’t get any easier… things just change. The physical and relentlessness eases but that paves way for constant running around and worries about they’re doing at school! Haha a child is for life 😉 #kcacols

  10. January 20, 2018 / 2:14 pm

    Being a Mum has to be one of the hardest jobs in the world and we have this added pressure of being expected to do it with a smile on our faces because so many people can’t be parents. I hope you start to find the days easier soon!

    #KCACOLS

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