All I want for Christmas is… to not receive these bloody nightmare gifts for my kids

Having children really does add another dimension to the magic of Christmas.

Their excitement is what it’s all about.

All I want for Christmas is yooooouuuu, to not buy my kid the following stuff

On the other hand, it’s also when us parents are bombarded with a whole pile of crap to organise, build, dodge, get driven mad by and be just plain afraid of.

When you’re considering what to buy your nephew, grandchild, godchild or whatever other relative whose parents you, hopefully, don’t want to torture, please bear in mind the following that we do not want to see under the tree:

1. Really big stuff

The giant stuffed bunny might seem like a really good idea. Of course I can’t deny it’s adorable and the potential for hilarious pictures of our kids climbing all over it is tempting.

But consider this. Where the hell is it going to go? The children can no longer open their bedroom doors due to the mountain of stuff on the other side and we gave up our bed to the Lego collection long ago.

To be fair, there’s a spare corner on the roof. Don’t forget to wrap up some rope to tie it in place.

2. Toys that come in loads of teeny tiny pieces

Lego, jigsaw puzzles, card games. These are all things that we have to spend ages scuttling about on our knees picking up at the end of every day.

Consider the state of our back and how precious time is. Buy stuff that comes in one piece, just not too big a piece (see item 1).

3. Noisy toys

Squeeee, I pushed the “try it” button in the shop and thought it was hilarious, I just couldn’t resist. Yeah, great. Try listening to it one hundred zillion times a day, then tell me how bloody hilarious it is.

Seriously. Language skills aside. There’s nothing to gain from these mind-numbingly repetitive toys except for bleeding ears.

4. Anything that can be used as a weapon

That plastic toy sword, those sweets that come in a really long plastic tube, and any ball that isn’t just filled with air.

You think they look like harmless fun. In the hands of an excited toddler they can take out an entire Christmas tree and leave a trail of relatives nursing bumped heads in their wake.

5. Stuff that enables the kids to deface our home

Arty stuff is brilliant. But please remember to check the label for that word that’s music to every parent’s ears. Washable.

Otherwise we are going to be scrubbing big black lines of scribble off of our walls, the children’s faces and the cat until New Year’s Eve.

6. Items that are too complicated for our kid to do themselves

Little Timmy wants the model aeroplane that’s pictured on the box. The trouble is, little Timmy isn’t a qualified engineer.

He can’t even say instructions, let alone read them. This means mum or dad, or both, have to struggle to get the damn thing built so little Timmy can play with it for all of 10 seconds before he gets bored and discards it to the bottom of the toy chest.

I don’t mean to sound ungrateful. It is the season of goodwill after all and children are at the very heart of that.

So please, by all means, buy everything on the list of it makes you happy. However, in return I would just ask that you take inspiration from my list. It’s an easy one, with only one item on it, so shouldn’t be too much bother:

1. A big, big house to fit all of the plastic, noisy and messy crap that comes with having kids in one massive room where I never have to see it.

Thanks! Happy shopping everyone!


Rhyming with Wine

Please share the love:

Leave a Reply


  1. mackenzieglanville
    November 7, 2017 / 11:21 am

    haha it is so true, but I think number 6 is my worst nightmare of all, it just ends in disappointment, tears (me not them), tantrums, (again me, and actually them also), and maybe even too much wine! #dreamteam

  2. November 7, 2017 / 5:58 pm

    Hahahaha, love this post. Should be every mum’s Christmas plea!

  3. November 7, 2017 / 9:04 pm

    So very true. Friends without kids always seem to buy the worst toys and I’m like you just wait. I’ll get my revenge haha!

  4. November 7, 2017 / 9:05 pm

    Oooh forgot to add #DreamTeam

  5. November 8, 2017 / 7:07 am

    The craft that requires an adult – does my head in. Go to town as long as it’s your creation, I say! #FortheloveofoBLOG

  6. November 8, 2017 / 8:11 am

    Haha. This is great. I always ask friends/family what I should buy for their kids to avoid them not being happy with it. Do they ever ask me though? Nope!! And I usually end up with the annoying gifts like the ones you’ve mentioned!! Haha. #fortheloveofBLOG

  7. November 8, 2017 / 8:14 am

    Haha! I think all this stuff is a parents nightmare, the daft thing is it’s often other parents who buy each other this stuff, even grandparents are parents….but I think they’re just getting their own back! X

  8. November 8, 2017 / 8:30 am

    Haha! I’m dreading all the crap we’ll get this year. Ideally it would be great if people clubbed together to get something, but I don’t want to sound ungrateful #fortheloveofBLOG

  9. November 8, 2017 / 9:00 am

    This made me laugh… mostly because we all know most of this list will end up arriving at Christmas! #FortheLoveofBlog

  10. November 8, 2017 / 9:33 am

    Love this! This will be out first Xmas with our baby and already family are saying you’re not going to have anywhere to put everything she’s going to get. She’ll only be 7 months, so she really doesn’t need all the stuff it sounds like she’s going to be getting! #fortheloveofBLOG

    • November 8, 2017 / 1:01 pm

      And she’ll only be interested in sitting in a cardboard box and ripping the paper to shreds x

  11. November 8, 2017 / 11:54 am

    agree! although, point four, i think you’ll find pretty much anything can be used as a weapon 😉

  12. November 8, 2017 / 12:26 pm

    Haha! Yes this is so true! My dad once bought the girls a toy grand piano. So it was both huge and noisy! I’m already preping our house for the influx of toys I will need to fit in.

    • November 8, 2017 / 1:00 pm

      Oh god a piano! I’m constantly fending off gigantic toy suggestions, it will be a drum kit next! x

  13. parentstoolbelt
    November 8, 2017 / 12:33 pm

    Perfect list. The worst offenders (especially for #3) are grandparents who take delight in dropping them off and then leaving with a mwahahaaa! #fortheloveofBLOG

  14. November 8, 2017 / 4:09 pm

    Haha – this is so true! People have good intentions, but sometimes don’t engage the brain! #fortheloveofBLOG

  15. November 8, 2017 / 4:39 pm

    Three words to save the sanity of parents at Christmas time: Amazon. wish. list. 🙂 #forthe love of BLOG

  16. November 8, 2017 / 6:06 pm

    Haha yup! I used to be the fun, cool aunty who bought noisy toys for my sisters’ children… now I have my own kids and she is taking great joy in returning the favour! Lol #dreamteam

  17. November 8, 2017 / 6:11 pm

    Hi, I giggled reading this great practical tips, yes to a bigger house #fortheloveofBLOG

  18. Mrs. K @ Mrs Kringle's Kitchen
    November 8, 2017 / 10:04 pm

    My people lay in wait. They will write down what loud thing you bought their child and laughed at how you’ll ‘get used to’ the corn popper or kid sized drum. Then they wait for you to have a child and buy you the same thing and cackle throwing your words back in your face. So I always buy with karma in mind and I actually ask the parent what the kid wants. #fortheloveofblog

  19. November 9, 2017 / 1:12 am

    I wanted to buy my nieces a huge stuffed bear as a gag gift but my brother threatened my life. One day… #fortheloveofBLOG

  20. November 9, 2017 / 2:30 am

    this should go out to every person without kids who buys presents for kids #fortheloveofblog

  21. mebeingmummy
    November 9, 2017 / 10:04 am

    Am with you on all of these! Especially the bloody itty bitty pieces and noise toys! All I have to do is see a Vtech logo and some small part of me dies inside haha! #fortheloveofBLOG

  22. aliduke79hotmailcom
    November 9, 2017 / 1:21 pm

    My son was the first grand child in our family so got bought loads of annoying stuff for ages. I got my own back on my sisters with many a loud toy lol.

  23. November 9, 2017 / 6:52 pm

    You made me laugh. I’ve never thought of all these kind of presents to not give kids. Thanks for opening my eyes to a parent’s perspective on presents not to get for kids.

  24. November 10, 2017 / 5:07 pm

    I’m going to have to circulate this post to all my relatives!

  25. November 11, 2017 / 10:13 am

    Ha ha, love this! We have friends who always insist on buying both kids huge presents that are just a nightmare to fit anywhere

  26. November 12, 2017 / 11:38 am

    So true! Although we’ve found that the downside of having a larger house is that you just accumulate more stuff in it – we still end up having to get rid of old toys on a regular basis despite the kids having their own playroom (which in itself is the largest room in our house!) #KCACOLS

  27. November 12, 2017 / 5:04 pm

    I would love to send this post to my Dad, however I feel that he would use it as an instruction list of what TO buy. Last year he bought our 4 year old a full size keyboard with microphone (that makes the squealy noise when you try and speak into it just for fun). It says age 8+ on the box, but he coloured the 8 in to make it look like a 3. Because that makes it ok? ….Oh and the 2 year old got a giant remote control tarantula. *hides face in hands*. Thanks for linking up to #DreamTeam lovely x

  28. November 12, 2017 / 9:15 pm

    I’d just like my kids to get some presents from other people other than us! I’d be glad of anything! Their aunties and uncles either don’t bother or just send money – they’d just love some things to open 🙁 #dreamteam

    • November 12, 2017 / 9:20 pm

      sorry wrong linky! #fortheloveofBLOG

  29. November 13, 2017 / 11:58 am

    I’m with you when it comes to noisy things and I’m led to believe that only one brand of art is actually washable (beginning with ‘C’). #fortheloveofBLOG

  30. November 14, 2017 / 3:22 pm

    Ha ha this made me giggle!!!! Noisy , talking items that were able to be used as weapons were my nemesis when these guys were little! #fortheloveofBLOG

  31. November 14, 2017 / 8:45 pm

    I dont want creepy toys! we had one last year with a teddy holding a blanket that sang peekaboo but it was creepy and really hard to understand! i hid it from him and thank god he forgot all about it soon after! #fortheloveofBLOG

    • November 15, 2017 / 8:27 am

      Good plan hiding it, sounds like it was a bit weird! X

Skip to toolbar