I’m still me

After having a baby it can be hard to recognise the person you have become

I love being called mummy but sometimes I worry that is all that I am now.

It feels like my life is a snow globe and when my kids came along someone picked it up and gave it a really good shake.

It all looks similar, but different somehow. And messier, much, much messier.

When I get breaks from being the parent-in-chief to my two lovely daughters I find it difficult to switch off from that mummy mode.

When you have children who are very young, it takes a lot of energy out of you. All children are exhausting, whatever their age, but young children are physically and emotionally demanding.

You must cater for their every need and you must do it with a smile on your face.

You have to tidy up their rooms, change their beds, pick out their clothes, wash the clothes, prepare the meals, feed them the meals, get up with them in the night when they cry, carry them when they decide they don’t want to walk and wipe their bottoms.

It’s all-consuming. You feel you have to keep juggling the balls of your life all of the time because you know that the second you sit down to relax, they will come crashing down and it will set you back at least a week as a result.

Because of that my kids are never ever far from the front of my brain. What do they need next? What are they going to ask for now? What are the potential dangers in this room right now?

If I get a move on and prepare well in advance, I can get someone else to step in for a few hours, or even days as happened last weekend when I went away for a friend’s hen do in Bath.

But when I do get those blissful moments of respite, when I can connect with old friends or return to places I used to visit frequently in my childless years (like a bar), I sometimes feel a disconnect.

People who I once could talk for hours and hours with, I find it hard to make a connection with. I struggle to know what to say when I’m asked what I’ve been up to, because the answer would be overwhelmingly boring for anyone who isn’t a parent.

What have I been up to? Well, last night I had to fish poo out of the bath and this morning both children’s nappies had overflowed in the night so there was double the washing to sort out. My life is all about the excitement!

Tales from the front line of parenting are only exciting for parents. I love hearing my friends confess about their parenting disasters or mishaps, it makes me feel so much better about my own crappy days.

But I am painfully aware that when I tell these things to people who do not have children that they have no way of relating to what I’m talking about.

The eyes glaze over and I’m sure they’re wishing they had invited out that cool childless couple next door who know how to mix a great mojito and always have stories about their latest holiday to tell.

If another parent brings up their worries about the temperature of their child’s room I could probably natter away to them about it for a good 20 minutes.

And yet despite this rather alarming shift in my ability to be remotely interesting to other adults, I swear I’m still me deep down somewhere.

I still love to gossip.

I still love to talk boys and relationship drama.

I still bloody love drinking when we’re on a girls night out.

I still like dressing up (even if my wardrobe is in dire need of an upgrade).

I still wish my house looked like it could feature in an interior design magazine.

I still want to browse the shops (and I don’t mean for baby clothes).

I still love a good cocktail.

I still enjoy a night out at the local Indian with a good bottle of wine.

I still love a new pair of shoes.

I still love talking about all the exciting places I want to visit.

I still want to hear everything my friends have to say (even when I’m so knackered all I can do is grunt to indicate I can hear them).

I hope that when my children are older and do not need me to give them quite so much that I will regain more of my old self.

I think returning to work will help a lot, as will fitting in a few more nights out with friends.

So if you ever feel like parenting has caused you to lose the familiar you, the one that you liked being, I know exactly how you feel.

I might answer to “mummy” most of the time, but I am still me deep down.

V
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I am still me: struggling with losing my identity after having children | parenting |

 

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29 Comments

  1. Donna
    September 16, 2017 / 9:13 am

    Very very true and I think it’s important to have me time and reconnect to ourselves. It’s makes us even better at the mummy job! X

    • September 17, 2017 / 5:35 am

      Thank you, yes me time is so essential. Makes a lot of difference x

  2. September 16, 2017 / 11:01 am

    Easy to forget who we are sometimes x

    • September 17, 2017 / 5:36 am

      Yes in the chaos of parenting little kids I think you can get lost a bit x

  3. September 16, 2017 / 6:55 pm

    This really resonates with me! Lovely post xxx

  4. September 17, 2017 / 7:50 am

    Wonderful read! There is nothing wrong with prioritising the ‘mummy’ in you right now. I’m out the other side with grown children and have to say that I’ll always be mum. I’ll never quite be that individual I was before. I will always worry about, miss and feed them. But, now, I appreciate not always having yogurt on my clothing and I love being more ‘me’ with them – making cocktails, shopping, gossiping and travelling – but then I find myself saying ‘you need a haircut…’ – and I’m back to being mum again! x

    • September 17, 2017 / 9:27 pm

      Thanks so much lovely. I can imagine that mummy inside never goes away! But it’s nice to know you get a little more of your own time back eventually xx

  5. September 17, 2017 / 2:33 pm

    So true! Practice makes perfect – if you go out a few times or even have coffee with a friend with he kids around but put a ban on kid talk you will soon remember how to do it! X

  6. September 18, 2017 / 9:23 am

    This is so true, I’ve struggles so much with my identity since having children! #honeybeelinky

    • September 18, 2017 / 8:51 pm

      Thank you, it’s definitely such a challenging and hard time xx

  7. mebeingmummy
    September 18, 2017 / 11:46 am

    So true. I wrote a similar post recently and said you can’t pour from an empty cup, it is self preservation not selfishness. Great post! Thank you for joining in at #HoneybeeLinky xxx

    • September 18, 2017 / 8:52 pm

      Oh yes, I remember reading that! Such a true sentence. Lovely to join in with your new linky xx

      • mebeingmummy
        September 19, 2017 / 12:33 am

        Am glad you liked it! Hope to see you on next week’s one too! Xx

  8. September 18, 2017 / 1:15 pm

    It took me a while after my two youngest to find myself again but I think I am finally there, thanks in part to my blog.

  9. September 19, 2017 / 1:16 pm

    Fab post. I had to take time out a few weeks back. I had to tell my partner to take the kids just so I could have some ME time to remember ME. I have now started to go out with a friend once or twice a month, to the cinema or for a meal, just to feel like me. Let my hair down. #KCACOLS

    • September 20, 2017 / 9:25 pm

      Thanks very much. So glad you got some time to yourself, it makes such a huge difference when I get even just an hour to myself! X

  10. aimz18
    September 19, 2017 / 8:44 pm

    My kids are 6 and 8 and I can now be me again, sometimes. Hubby and I have date night with childless friends once a month so we can just be us which is really nice.
    Thanks so much for linking up with #kcacols. We hope you can join us again next time.

    • September 20, 2017 / 9:30 pm

      That’s lovely to hear! I’m looking forward to doing the same once ours are a little older. Xx

  11. talkingmums1
    September 21, 2017 / 6:51 am

    I think when you first have children you fully immerse yourself in motherhood and all that they need because you have to and because you want to, fast forward a few years and then you realise that there is something missing – you! I feel like I have just started to get a bit of the old me back but I like the new me too x
    #kcacols

  12. September 22, 2017 / 8:25 pm

    great post. Its important for us to keep something for ourselves, whether its a hobby or even your blog. #KCACOLS

  13. September 24, 2017 / 6:21 am

    I think every parent up an relate to this one, it can be so easy to feel like we are losing ourselves sometimes. I was feeling that way until I started my blog, and although it’s all family related I feel I have reclaimed a part of me somehow x
    #HoneybeeLinky

    • September 25, 2017 / 5:40 pm

      Yes I feel exactly like that about the blog. It’s such a valuable bit of grown up time, I love it x

  14. September 25, 2017 / 7:36 pm

    It’s just a part of who you are now – a large part maybe – but just a part of the whole. Thanks so much for linking up at #KCACOLS. Hope you come back again next time.

  15. September 26, 2017 / 9:20 am

    I know exactly what you mean. I think working full time helped me to refind my identity. That’s a bit sad really and I wouldn’t necessarily recommend it. I would work part time if I had the choice. It did help me to dress in sick free clothes and have adult conversations. Pen x #KCACOLS

  16. aliduke79hotmailcom
    September 27, 2017 / 8:06 pm

    I think we all feel a little lost at times. Being a parent is a huge thing and can be hard to see around sometimes.
    #KCACOLS

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