All of us mums have to be pretty much superheroes to organise the chaos that is family life.
We’re woken up at 6am, if we’re lucky, and then are expected to enthusiastically navigate our way through a series of almost-disasters. The actual worst case scenario never happens, but we come scarily close.
For example, the baby vomits all over herself, but misses her sister. The toddler has a hysterical meltdown while out for lunch that results in a broken plate, glass and water all over the floor, but it kicks off after I’ve had cake. I call these scenarios a win.
Sometimes we head off the disaster before it goes beyond the point of no return. Like having just the right snack at just the right moment to end a potentially explosive stand-off while shopping for grandad’s birthday present.
Sometimes we recognise the bare-bummed baby is getting ready to fire poo just in time to use a nappy or whatever piece of clothing is to hand as a shield. There might still be a clean-up to cope with, but we don’t have to change our clothes. Win!
We may not have superpowers like Wonder Woman, but we do have cool gadgets like Batman!
A miracle secret weapon with no end to its seemingly psychic powers at providing exactly what we need at just the right time.
It remains dry and dirt-free after even the muckiest of situations; its shiny badge of honour is still pristine.
I’m talking about the changing bag. This bottomless pit full of baby stuff has seen me through some incredibly tricky situations.
My Storksak Bobby bag has been a total lifesaver. I’ve thought about trading it in so I could parade something younger on my arm, but if it ain’t broke, why fix it, right?
I decided to dig through my bag and see what it manages to hold while I’m racing around trying to save the world. Or rather just my sanity.
The bag holds:
Lip balm. For all those spare seconds I get to do luxury things like apply lip balm. Ha!
Suncream. Three half empty bottles hold happy memories of holding my daughter in my arms as I try to stop her escaping so I can smother her face in another layer of cream.
A sizeable pile of receipts. These have been kept “just in case” even though they were for things like a bottle of water which I probably half-finished six weeks ago.
Pencils. I have no paper but several pencils. This is where the pile of receipts may come in handy.
Changing mat. With two kids I am permanently changing nappies.
My jumper. Because the great British weather never fails to disappoint.
Baby and toddler clothes. There’s enough for two outfit changes for each child. Trouble is if they ever ended up in these outfits they would look like they were off to a fancy dress party where the theme was ‘how not to dress’. Pink striped vest with red dotty trousers? These are clothes I chucked in there over the course of several weeks as I rotated out the dirty stuff. Now there are no actual outfits, just items of emergency clothing I hope I never have to use.
Hand sanitizer gel. For those moments when parenting paranoia hits at the petting zoo and I have to get my hands clean pronto.
Bobbi Brown Foundation Stick. Make-up isn’t a luxury when you have grey circles under your eyes and spots shining like a lighthouse on your face.
Bucket. I’ve lost the spade in the mess that is the Bat Mobile, sorry, I mean the Vauxhall Astra.
Plasters. The crap ones that fall off immediately when a tiny splash of water goes anywhere near them.
Hungry Caterpillar rattle. Provides a distraction for about two minutes before it gets flung to one side. Every little helps though!
Sunglasses. For me and the toddler. Here are JoJo Maman Bebe hot pink ones and I wish I had some in my size. Grown-up accessories are so boring!
Raisins. Five empty boxes, four half empty boxes and two unopened boxes.
Tissues. I like to pretend my toddler lets me wipe her nose.
Hair band. Because the only hairstyle I manage these days is the messy bun. Not the cool kind you see on supermodels on their Instagram feed, but the greasy, lopsided kind that makes my roots look even worse.
Nappies in two sizes. This is my new bugbear. They need to look more different. I keep looking at my newly changed baby with her nappy hanging down to her knees and wondering what’s going on. Or I attempt to strap toddler into a nappy that will not fit and I fret I’ve finally made her super sized with all the ice cream bribes.
I cannot believe all this stuff fits in my bag. Sure, I can’t do up the zip, but with this on my arm? Eat your heart out Batman!
What’s in your changing bag? Are you impressed by the pile of swag you can cram in your bag? What brand do you have? I would love to hear your thoughts.