Babies have no idea how great they have it. I watch my two and can’t believe it will take until they have children of their own to understand they’re on easy street right now.
It’s a charmed existence. You have everyone in the palm of your hand. Sure you’re helpless physically and look like a flapping fish out of water when you try to reach something but you have an army of slaves ready to pass you whatever you’re staring at. Yes you have just one way of verbally communicating your feelings, albeit loudly, but when you open your mouth everyone rushes round like headless chickens trying to figure out what you want.
Here’s why I wish I was a baby:
No work. Every day is just an endless cycle of eat, play, sleep. When you’re bored with the play activity you simply wail a bit and mummy moves on to the next toy to keep you entertained. When you’re sleepy mummy soothes, rocks, cuddles and even feeds you. Whatever you need to get a relaxing snooze. Mummy even makes sure the temperature is just right.
People applaud you for every minor achievement. All you have to do is find your toes or pull a smile and the entire room breaks out in rapturous celebration. “Ah, so cute”, “wow isn’t she clever”, “how amazing that she can do that”.
People say you’re cute even if you look a bit odd. All babies are beautiful but let’s face it, they all have something a bit weird or quirky. Whether it be sticking out ears, a bald patch, pot belly, it just makes babies even cuter. Plus everywhere you go everyone gushes with compliments about you. Imagine that as a grown-up, what an ego boost!
You don’t care what people think. You might be at a wedding, the library, or a restaurant, it matters nothing to you what other people’s opinions are on your behaviour. You scream, throw a tantrum, demand things on a whim. It must be such a liberating feeling to behave with not a care about the consequences or the judgement of others.
You make whatever noise and pull whatever facial expressions you want with zero feeling of self-consciousness. Grown-ups have to react appropriately in certain social situations. However you can act however you want and no one has any expectations or holds it against you. If you think someone is weird, you squint and curl your lip. If someone is trying to make you laugh and you are not amused you can stare blankly at them then turn away in disgust. If you’re upset you cry wherever you are. If other people are talking and you want to make a noise, you just do it.
No cooking or washing up. Forget household chores, you have slaves ready to do your bidding and make sure your home is clean. They make sure you have food ready for when you’re hungry, they make your bed and even make sure you’re clean. You don’t even have to wipe your own bum.
All the milk you want. All you need to do is make a few discontented cries and someone is there immediately offering you a drink. There’s very little waiting time and mummy is never short on supplies.
Just sitting back and taking in the view on nice walks. Sure you can’t run off in whatever direction you want yet but you have your own chariot to ride in. You enjoy a daily stroll through lovely parks and other destinations. You can simply sit and watch the world go by, pulling whatever facial expression you want at people and being told you’re cute while you’re at it.
Getting away with everything. It doesn’t matter if you cried all night long, you vomited all over your new outfit or refused to eat the lovely, balanced meal mummy slaved to make you. Whatever you do, all is immediately forgiven. Imagine the blissful freedom of being able to act however you want with no repercussions afterwards.
So, in summary, life is pretty sweet when you’re a baby. They sure do make the most of all these freedoms but they just don’t appreciate it enough. Give me just one day of this liberating lifestyle and I promise to appreciate it enough for the both of us!